Tough Love

We have all heard it. Tough Love. That is exactly what it is. TOUGH! I have experienced this with several of my children. I have 5 children. There is one time that I will never forget. One time that was VERY TOUGH! This is what happened.

It came time to say good bye to my son Brandon. He was 19 years old in 2003. He had been living with me and he was not doing anything with his life. I was making it easy for him to be irresponsible. I had just gone through a long over due divorce,(this was #2 divorce) and I was making a huge life change, by relocating to another part of the US. I was moving from Dayton, Ohio to Phoenix, AZ. I was taking my daughters with me, but I had decided that I could not take Brandon. It was going to be hard not having him close, but I knew, as a mother, that I needed to do this so that he would be FORCED to grow up. The time came when we had to go our separate ways. My daughters and I were packed up and were leaving early the next morning. The door shut behind Brandon. I placed my hand on the door and began to hug the door for support as the gut wrenching sobs escaped my lips. I was leaving my oldest child. I was leaving my son. So many questions ran through my mind, like "Will he be okay? Will he take this time to get his life together? Will he forever hate me because I am not taking him with me?" I wanted to run after him. I wanted to hold him like a baby again, but I knew I couldn't. So I just slid to the floor and sobbed.

I made the long trip with my daughters to Arizona. During the years that I was here Brandon slowly began to get his life in order. He learned many things. He had dropped out of high school and during this "away" time he got his GED. He also got a job working as an electrician, and that is when he found his niche. He worked hard and after about 3 years of being away from all family, and on his own, he began to be successful. He had lived with several friends and their families and was able to finally get his own place to live. He bought a truck and then a car. He got a job with a well known electric company in Dayton, Ohio and his employer was paying for his college courses. He was doing just what I hoped he would do when he was placed in a tough situation. He was doing me proud!

Then it happened. After 6 LONG years without him close. He decided to make the move here to Phoenix, Az. It has been a year this month of April, that I flew out to Dayton, Ohio, helped him pack up, and we drove cross country to Phoenix, AZ. He stayed with me at my home, for only a few months. He is not use to living with others anymore, and he likes to do things on his own.

I sat back and watched what he has learned over these years of being away. Here are only a few things that I can see he has learned. He has learned that when you want something you make it HAPPEN. He told me that he would have a job within 2 weeks of moving here, and he did just that. He got a job and has been working ever since. He found an apartment of his own 4 months after he moved here. He sold his car that he brought with him from Ohio and bought a new one that he had painted the color he wanted. He wanted a certain style of sofa for his apartment and he bought it when he accumulated the cash to buy it.

So I sit here and I look back at that moment. I still hurt from it because I am a mother, but I am so proud to now look at my son and see that he took that opportunity, to not buckle under, but to rise above and make it work for him to be a responsible young man. He has told me that he was upset at the time, that I did not take him with me, but that now he is grateful that I did what I did. He has said that it was the BEST thing I have done for him in his life, and to not ever feel guilty for it. He has told this to me many times and now I am beginning to believe it. Now I love and share my time with him. I treasure it. I admire him, and what he has done with his life. He is my son!

This has been one of the toughest things I have done. I now KNOW what Tough Love is and to be honest, as time has taken its toll, it really does not seem so Tough after all.