So not ME

I did it twice! I did it twice because the first time felt so good.

This is an experience, that I have to admit, is not me, and who I really am. It is not something I do or have ever done before, or since. It is something I am not to happy with. I am sharing because I KNOW there are those that have felt like I did. I know there are those that have their "moments". This is when I had one of my "moments".

I was so angry. I had just had a person that I was dating, take advantage of me in a way that was disrespectful, inconsiderate, and just down right irresponsible. It all began when I received a disturbing call at 3AM. I heard his voice, and it was in a panic. I was concerned first, because I was woken up out of a dead sleep, and second, because I had lent my car earlier that day to Johnny so that he could be with his father. His father was in the hospital. He was to have a procedure done on his heart the next day and Johnny had no car to travel in. I, being the person I am, volunteered my auto. Now, as I look back, I should have considered more responsibly, all the consequences that lending my vehicle to this man, would entail. I enabled this situation to happen. It was one that I learned from and will NEVER do again. Johnny's voice was in a panic, and he was apologizing for my car. I was shaking my head. My car? What was he talking about? I woke up then. My thinking no longer cloudy. The adrenaline began to rush. I could hear it rushing to my head. I heard him say that he was sorry that he had wrecked my car, and that the police were impounding my car because he has a warrant for his arrest. They are taking him to jail. He said that the police were going to take his cell phone, any moment. I asked him where in the world was he? Was he at the hospital? Was his father ok? To my amazement he told me that he was south of town. He was about 25 miles south of town. He was no where near the hospital. He had gone and picked up a woman and they were using my car to "gal avant" around in. I was livid. The phone dropped the call. That was the last I heard from him for several days. I was fuming!



Several days after this whole incident happened, time took its toll. I was angry, more at myself, than anybody else. How stupid had I been? When I get upset, I get an attitude. It is an attitude of, "Do not fuck with me, because if you do, I will mess you up!" This was one of those days. This was one of those days that I had that attitude.


I pulled up behind a car that had just stopped because the traffic signal up ahead was red. There were three or four cars ahead of the one I just stopped behind. I had my windows down, and I was all "attitude". Off to the right side of my car a car horn began to honk. There was an S10 truck coming out of a shopping plaza and he was trying to get my attention. He wanted me to move forward so that he could get out of the parking lot and onto the main road that I was on. I could not move forward. I looked over at him and said, "What?" as I threw my hands up. He just looked at me and I noticed that it was not only him in the car, but also a woman. He continued to honk, and was staring me down. I had the "attitude". He was going to "get it". That is when it happened the first time.

I threw my car in neutral, and put my emergency brake on, and got out of the car. I stood by my car, looking over the top of it as I started yelling at the dude in the car.
"What do you want?" I yelled, as I was throwing my hands up in the air!
"The light is RED! I can not move forward!"
He stopped honking. He sat in his truck with his woman beside him just staring at me. The woman in the passenger seat said to him, I could see her mouth moving, "Stop!" He just stared me down. I got back in my car released the emergency brake, and put my car into gear. He started honking again! I looked over at him again, and saw him mouth, I could not hear him because he all his windows were rolled up, he said, " Dirty White Whore."
That was it! I had, had it and that is when I did it the second time. I said, "Oh, NO!" and I threw my car in neutral, put the emergency brake on, got out of my car and I started yelling at him!
"You have something to say to me? Get out of your truck and come say it to me! Say it to my face!"
I was walking up to his truck window. I had no fear! I was just FURIOUS!. As I got right up on the trucks window the man would not even look at me. He was looking at the woman in the passenger seat totally turned away from me!
"So you can not even look at me you mother fucker! All big and strong behind your truck, you fucking whimp!"
I still was getting no response. Probably a good thing too! I slowly walked back to my car, looking over my shoulder to see if the man would even try to mouth anything else to me. He didn't. By this time the light had turned green and my car was just sitting in the middle of a busy road. I did not care either. I got back in my car and just to make this man pay for my tantrum I sat there for a few minutes, blocking his exit, and staring at him, daring him to try something else. He didn't. He learned his lesson! I took the brake off, popped my car into gear, turned and looked at him, and then flipped him off, yelling, "Fuck you too, DUDE!" and sped off.

As I drove away. I could not believe what I just did. People here in Phoenix, get killed for doing what I just did. I did it, nothing horrible happened, and I released some frustration that had built up all because of something I chose to allow to happen.
I soon got to my wonderful friends house. When I walked in the door I said,
"You will not believe what I just did, and I did it not once, but twice."

I shared my experience with my friend and he said,
"Yep, you got out of your car twice, because the first time felt so good!"
He was sooo right!