This is when I began to KNOW.
The call went over the intercom in the ER that there was a full cardiac arrest coming in. The trauma team was requested to suit up. I watched as the team suited up and quietly waited for the ambulance arrival. I wanted to watch the team. They always intrigued me with how efficient they were when this call came through. Everyone worked in sync. Everyone knew their job and they did it silently, quietly, and throughly. I had no idea that this time was going to be an experience for me that began an avalanche of more to come.
The ambulance arrived and the paramedics were working diligently on a gentleman that was laid out on a stretcher. He was not moving, and he was unconscious. CPR was being performed all the way into the ER. The trauma team took over. I watched from a distance in amazement as they transferred the gentleman to the bed that was designated for his revival. Today though, was the day that this man was not to be revived. This was the day that he was to begin his next phase of life. Today he was to die and return to his higher power, but it would not be with out an effort from the trauma team in the ER that day to hopefully bring him back to the present as we know it. I stood at a distance to watch all of this going on. It has always intrigued me to watch as everyone moves in unison doing what they do to revive those that are critical and are on the edge of this life and the next. Then it happened.
I had a rush of energy that started in my chest. It was overwhelming. I asked a good friend that was beside me if she too could feel what I was feeling. It was an energy that was invigorating. She had no such feeling. I did not want to leave or run from this feeling. It felt good in a way that is unexplainable. So I felt it and let it consume me. That is when I felt this man. He was not coming back. I knew this. I could sense where he was in that room with the trauma team all around him. He was present at the top of his bed by his head right next to nurse that was intubating him. He was grateful to all on that team for their efforts to revive his physical body, but he knew he could not go back into his physical form. He was done suffering. His body was sick, and full of pain. He was relieved to finally be out of it. He felt free. I stood there in amazement. I did not want that feeling to leave, but my shift was over and it was time to go. So I left, still in awe as I departed from the ER for that day.
Curiosity got to me. What in the world was that whole experience all about? Was what I felt true? Was it something I just made up? So the next day when I reported to work at the hospital I checked on that gentleman. I wanted to know the results of his visit, and this is what I found. He was a man that was battling lung cancer. Earlier that day he had just gotten home from a chemotherapy treatment and he was not feeling well. He began to cough, and the coughing just got worse, and would not stop. He called the paramedics and before they got there he began to go into cardiac arrest. When the paramedics arrived they began to do their best in preparing him for his ER visit, but to no avail, he past that day, when I was watching the trauma team work on him. He moved from this phase of life to the next. I was there. I felt his soul. I felt his energy.
That is the day that I KNEW I had a gift, and one that I have felt many more times since then. Now it is not scary. Now it is not strange, to me. It has taught me that when we, or a loved one, passes away they have "graduated" to another part of life. We will see them again. It is a time to celebrate them, and the life they lived. I know. I have felt some that have made the "graduation", and trust me, they are happier than they have ever been in this life. This I know because I have felt them. This is my gift. It is a gift that I treasure. It is a gift that brings me peace. It is a gift that is different.
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