My Brother

I have a brother. I have only one brother. I know now why I have a brother. I did not understand in the beginning, that my brother would be in my life for a huge reason. That reason would be to save my life.

Step 1 was done. I had the note written. I was working on completing step 2. I had to call my brother to hear him perhaps one last time. I called. There was no answer. If he did not call me back then I would know that I had to follow all the way through with Step 3. Then the phone rang. I was driving, and I saw the caller ID. It was my brother. I answered. In between gut wrenching sobs, I told him I just could not go on anymore. I was over and out. I just could not do it, meaning life, anymore. The anxiety and now the depression engulfed me. I was surrendering myself to it. I just had no more fight in me. None. My brother knew my position. He too had suffered from this same life experience several years earlier. I got a call from him telling me the same thing. I knew he knew. I knew he would understand. I knew he would not judge.

I did what he said. I too, went to get help. I did just as he did several years before. That is why I was able to answer the phone to my brother calling me on that very night.

My brother then did more. He gently guided me back. Gently. He knew the climb back was not easy. He knew he needed to be there for me. He re-arranged his work schedule, and his plans with his little family. He lives in Colorado. I live in Arizona. He was there when I got discharged from the hospital. He knew it was not over, that the climb I was starting, was going to be a tough one. He was there to ease me back into it. He took me back to my home. He sat and talked to me for hours. He listened to me. He held me like a baby, as I sobbed from deep in my soul. He told me over and over that it will get better. He understood that I may not see the happiness and joy right away, but he promised me it would get better, and it did.

So I sit here with an overwhelming gratitude for my brother. My only brother. Yet he thanks me. He thanks me for protecting him from the abuse that ran rampant in our family we were born into. He thanks me for protecting him the best I could. He has a knowledge and acceptance of the pain, fear, terror and shame that was experienced by me when I protected my siblings. He understands how these experiences to this day, haunt me.

Now I know why I have a brother; only one brother. It is because ONE is all I needed to lift me off my surrendering knees. Thank you Cliff for saving my life.